Otakus Undercover
by Charlene Heo
Summary: What happens when Inazuma Japan gets roped into helping the FBI into busting a flirty, gay and handsome-rich bastard into jail? Well, Kazemaru is used as bait, duh. Endou gets... jealous? WHAT? 風堂、やおい！お宅！
1. Chapter 1

A loud banging sound was heard as the members of Inazuma Japan ate their dinner in the Inn's cafeteria.

"I wonder who that is..." Otonashi said, taking off her apron and went to the door to answer it.

A few moments of silence, and footsteps were heard- of more than one person. Otonashi appeared with four women dressed in black jumpsuits. They had an official look about them.

"You brats are fighting for the land of the rising sun, huh? You'd better win." The first one spoke up. She had straight black hair, cut slightly above the shoulders and onyx black eyes. She was extremely tall.

"Who are you people?" Coach Kudou said, moving in front of the group. "We're the FBI." The ginger-haired one said. She had blue eyes. Her hair reached her waist, and was slightly wavy.

A resounding gasp was heard. Megane was the first to speak up.

"The FBI! America's special police force! I've heard of you!" He exclaimed. The black-haired one shrugged.

"Anyway, I'm Rengette. These are my squad members. Scher, the ginger-haired one, Miharu, the green haired one, and Kiyo, the brown haired one. We're here on a mission, and the goverment of Otakus- I mean America, has required your assistance."

"... May I see some proof that you are really who you claim you are?"

Rengette held up her right fist. A golden ring with two wings on a oval like shape could be seen clearly.

"I am one of the *Six Funeral Wreaths. It is a special position in the FBI. If compared to an army ranking, I am as good as a Brigadier General. Is that proof enough for you?"

Kudou was wide-eyed. Then, he sighed.

"Alright. But I want no part of this. Come, Fuyuppe." Kudou said, steering his daughter out of the room. Kiyo nodded. "Point taken. We do not want anyone not needed for this mission to take part. Would everyone except the members of Inazuma Japan leave, please?"

They left, Otonashi and Aki throwing worried glances at the team. The door slid shut behind them.

"Okay then. What is this mission about?" Kidou asked, crossing his arms. Miharu and Scher snickered.

"Its an undercover mission... regarding Kageyama Reiji."

Kidou, Sakuma and Fudou jumped, scowls evident on their faces. The other members of the team looked grave.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, we're not finished yet." Scher said, running a hand through her hair. Rengette nodded. "We don't have any information concerning his whereabouts for the time being... but we have discovered a piece of vital information."

"Well, what is it- spit it out!"

"Touché... you shouldn't talk to me like that, you know, Kidou-san." Rengette said, her hand fingering the magnum C6 strapped to her waist. The boy with the dreadlocks frowned, and sat back down.

Kiyo continued.

"We have found out about an ally of his. His name is Allan Brett. A teenage boy, around sixteen years old, he is the son of Cyril Brett, a famous, filthy rich businessman. We have gotten proof that he is in cahoots with Kageyama, and currently on this exact island... Lincott."

Kabeyama raised his hand. "Ano... what part do we play in this...?" He asked shyly, breaking out in cold sweat when Miharu narrowed her eyes at him.

"Duh. We need you guys to go undercover." Miharu said. Inazuma Japan went wide-eyed.

"Huh?"

"We're one of the best teams on the force- many criminals know our faces well. If we were to try and get near Allan or his men, we'd be caught in an instant."

Everyone nodded in understanding except Gouenji, Kidou, Fudou and Hiroto.

"Do you realise that we're the international soccer team representing Inazuma Japan?" Kidou asked. "Our faces are possibly even more easy to recognise than yours."

Rengette snapped her fingers.

"And there comes the complicated part of this mission. You see, we've checked up on Allan's background... apparently... we found him out to be gay."

"WHAT?"

"Yes, gay. He likes men." Rengette repeated. Kidou held up a hand. "Don't tell me... you want our help because..."

"Yup."

"That's insane! None of us here is... well... you know." Fudou said with a huff. The four FBI officers exchanged glances... and burst out laughing.

"You have no idea, do you!" Rengette snorted, trying to hold in her giggles. "Yeah! More than half of you lot are gay... make that almost everyone here!" Miharu wheezed. Kiyo and Scher were unable to comment, as they were laughing so hard they almost doubled over.

A pregnant silence...

"Seriously, we're not kidding," Rengette said, and tossed Kidou a booklet she took out from her black backpack. "I have reports from the HPB - Health Promotion Board - of Japan. Every member of an international team has to have a health check. You went through this before you left, right?"

They all nodded, remembering the visit they had to make at Inazuma's General Hospital.

"Well, they only needed to check up on your physical needs... so I guess they decided to leave the part about your homosexuality out." Kiyo said.

"Gouenji... Endou... Hiroto... Someoka... Fubuki... Kazemaru... Tsunami... Tachimukai... Sakuma..."

"Yeah, yeah, we get it. Almost all of you are gay. The only ones who aren't are probably Megane and Kabeyama."

"Whew."

"Yeah, whew."

"Oh, SHUT UP!" The rest of the team yelled at them, upset that they were now gays. Megane and Kabeyama snickered inwardly.

"Anyway," Rengette said, raising her hand up for silence. "We have intercepted an invitation from Allan, requesting Inazuma Japan to attend his birthday party tomorrow night."

"You intercepted our invite? Why?" Endou asked, curious. Miharu facepalmed. "We just saw it sticking outta your mailbox when we came to find you, and... Whatever, it was just a stroke of luck, I guess."

"We'll you guys to attend the party in our stead, and find out what he's up to. Of course, if anything goes wrong, just beep us using the spy equipment we'll be giving you and we'll come busting in with backup."

Inazuma Japan then began - somewhat reluctantly - planning for the birthday party with the four FBI officers.

* * *

"What?" Kazemaru blinked, not really believing what he had heard.

"Yes. Allan Brett has a crush on you. You're the whole reason why he invited Inazuma Japan to his party and kicked out Knights of Queen on his invite list in the meantime. They aren't too happy about it, from what I've heard. I suggest closing the windows at night." Miharu explained.

"What?" Kazemaru asked again, feeling very confused. "Oh for Jashin's sake! ALLAN. HAS. A. CRUSH. ON. YOU." Rengette said, slamming her hand down onto the table everytime each word was phrased.

"Um... why?" Kazemaru asked YET AGAIN, even more confused. The four FBI agents sighed.

"I don't know. But you're our key to busting Allan into jail. You'll need to... -ahem- seduce Allan and try to get him to tell you the truth while recording the conversation." Scher said, placing a thin, silver coloured machine with two buttons on it to Kazemaru. "The red is to record and stop the recording, and he green is to play the conversation."

"What if we refuse to do this?" Tsunami asked, folding his arms together. The other members of Inazuma Japan nodded, especially Kazemaru. "Hm... let's see... Oh! For starters, we could pull you out of the competition."

"WHAT?" Endou exclaimed, slamming his hands down onto the table. Rengette smirked. "You honestly didn't think we came all the way here from America to have you refuse, did you?" She said, doing a hair-flip.

Hijikata and Tsunami snarled.

Another pregnant silence descended on the cafeteria and its occupants. Finally, after a brief discussion between Endou, Kazemaru, Kidou and Gouenji, they turned back to the four agents.

"Okay. We'll help you."

Rengette, Scher, Kiyo and Miharu's expression became instantly... different. "Great!" Rengette smiled. She and Scher hooked Kazemaru by the arm. "We'll get started with your makeover then."

"Wait, WHAT? NOOOOOO!" Kazemaru screams could be heard even after the four- no, make that _five_, left the room. Endou's eyebrows furrowed. This was not good. Gouenji and Kidou sensed their friend's distress.

"He'll be okay. It's just a makeover. What could be worse?"

Endou looked up, and gave a shaky grin. "Since we're waiting for them to finish, why don't we start our afternoon practice?"

"YEAH!" The team cheered, enthusiastic about practice and trying to forget what had happened recently. They all silently apologised to Kazemaru for leaving him the hands of the 'FBI Agents' while they managed to escape.

Aki, Otonashi and Fuyuppe got back to their chores and prepared the boys' afternoon drinks, and Coach Kudou went and did whatever the hell he did during these times.

* * *

**Let's go over to Kazemaru's side...**

"You want me to wear make up?" Kazemaru said, crossing his arms and tilting his head up defiantly.

Rengette and Miharu nodded, while Scher and Kiyo went off to find an outfit for the tealnet. Kazemaru shook his head extremely hard. "No, no, no, no, NO! I am NOT, and never will be, a GIRL."

"Yes, that's why they call it yaoi, idiot." Rengette huffed. "What was that?" Kazemaru asked suspiciously. Miharu sighed. "We should just give him back his memory. It'll save a lot of trouble."

Rengette nodded. She snapped her fingers and gave Kazemaru back his memory.

"What- hey! I know you two! You both were the ones that kidnapped me and threw me into Teikoku until Endou found me... and... we... oh." Kazemaru blushed a crimson red as the truth finally dawned on him.

"Yes, yes. We're otakus. But don't take us lightly in this world, Kazemaru. And since _I'm_ the writer of this story, I'm the leader this time round. And in this story, I have the powers of a demigod, so you better listen up."

Kazemaru nodded.

"We need to bring you and Endou back together... I don't know what happened in that fucking movie, but Endou is NOT going to marry Aki. YOU ARE." Rengette said, poking her finger at Kazemaru's head. Miharu rolled her eyes.

"Ne, Otaku-sama,"

"What is it, Miharu-san?"

"Do we get to rape him in this story?" Kazemaru's eyes went wide at the question. Rengette became really pissed off. "BAKA! Our mission as YAOI-Otakus is to ensure that our favourite pairings get together, not to RAPE the characters! Doing so would destroy the whole balance of the anime! Like when people pair their OCs up with characters in the anime... Grrrr."

"Okay, okay," Miharu said, holding her hands up as a sign of peace. "I get it. C'mon, Kazemaru. We've gotta get you ready."

"And what if I refused to cooperate?"

Rengette smirked, and took out a book with the words 'Otaku's Event Note' on the cover in pink. It was something like a Death Note, only it made things Otaku-sama wrote in it happen. Taking out her Signo uni・ball 0.7 black pen, she prepared to write something down.

"If you refuse, I'll ask Orochimaru from Naruto to come over and rape you. 'Nough said?"

Kazemaru felt a chill go through his entire body. He shuddered, and the image of a man-snake... thing doing... perverted things to him came to mind. He forced himself to keep the bile rising in his throat where it was.

"I'll... cooperate."

"Good. Miharu! The fake eyelashes and mascara please!

"With pleasure. Fufufufu."

* * *

After several sessions of eyebrow plucking, hair trimming, blow drying, make-up applying and flirting classes, Kazemaru Ichirouta was a new man... er... boy.

His hair was loose, like the time Kogure yanked his hair-tie down during the middle of practice and his lashes were considerably longer than before. A thin layer of lip-gloss coated his lips, giving them a natural, pouty look.

He wore the usual Inazuma Japan soccer uniform, only it was tailored slightly to fit his slim figure and shapely hips.

The tealnet looked stunning, to say the least. The girls weren't happy- he looked much prettier than them.

"Very good, Kazemaru! Men will fall at your feet during the party." Kazemaru flushed red, hoping Endou didn't hear that. No such thing, though. "That's true. Hahaha! You're a pretty girl, Kazemaru!" Endou laughed innocently.

Kazemaru didn't know if he should laugh, cry or slap Endou. The brunet remembered nothing of the incident at Teikoku... didn't he? Otakus sure were cruel.

"You got that right." Scher nudged him. "Wha? How did you-"

"We control this story alongside Rengette. So we can read your thoughts." Kiyo whispered to him while the other members of Inazuma Japan oogled at the tealnet. "Great. Just great." Kazemaru sighed.

Rengette chuckled.

"Okay, okay. Stop drooling at Kazemaru," Which was weird, because a few of them WERE drooling. "And let's get started with the plan. The party takes place _tomorrow_ night, and we need to get this down quickly."

"The party consists of people from soccer teams - like you - business representatives, FFI admins and probably a few singers or movie stars." Miharu said, reading off the list in her hand.

Scher pushed Kazemaru closer to Endou, for no reason at all. Endou raised his eyebrows but grinned and turned back to Miharu.

"Now, Kazemaru... you need to get Allan to like you. Your friends will also be at the party, so if he starts getting too... gropey, just call out for them." Miharu finished. Kiyo and Rengette were munching on some Strawberry Pocky. "I want some!" Scher and Miharu scrambled for the box, but Rengette, being the tall freak she was, held it out of reach.

"Get your own, betches. Now, guys," Rengette turned to the members of Inazuma Japan. "You should get ready for the party tomorrow night. I'm feeling pretty lazy right now, so, Kidou, you come up with a plan."

"As the leader of this operation, you should be the one-"

Rengette commands Kidou to shut his genius ass trap and think up of a plan for Kazemaru to seduce Allan by tomorrow night. "Understood, Rengette-san."

"Good. Now, I'm going off with the girls to eat dinner. Wanna come with?"

"Sure."

Inazuma Japan and the four FBI agents ate dinner at a fancy Japanese restaurant, Kazemaru ignoring and shuddering from the glances men threw his way.

* * *

**END PART I**

**

* * *

**

Dante: This story is NOT a series. I'm putting 'Recalling Nothing' on hold while I prepare the next few chappies. Anyway, this story is split into two parts. This is part I. Part II will be released... hm... maybe about a week later? LOL. Hope you enjoyed it.

**REVIEW OR DIE, BITCHES! - Zetsu**

O.O That was random, really, really, random, Zetsu-san.

**Hey, it beats staying with Tobi. **

Yup.


	2. Chapter 2

A loud scream was heard during breakfast.

Endou and Gouenji ran up the stairs towards the shrieking voice, almost running each other over in the process. The forced the bathroom door open, and expected to see something horrible and bloody... not... this.

Kazemaru was clad in nothing but a towel loosely hanging on his hips, his teal hair dripping wet... and drops of water were slowly flowing down the pale skin. Flushed cheeks and pink lips, hazy eyes...

'Is he trying to make me come in my pants?' Endou and Gouenji thought at the same time.

"Aughh, get out!" Kazemaru said, throwing a bucket at the two of them. They dodged, and it hit Megane instead, who was passing by. "Why did you scream? You scared the living daylights out of us." Endou huffed. Gouenji nodded in agreement.

"Well... I kind of forgot about my makeover yesterday... so when I looked in the mirror... I just saw this girl." Kazemaru blushed. He squatted down onto the tiled floor, burrying his face in his knees. "This is so embarrassing! I can't believe what happened yesterday."

Gouenji and Endou exchanged smirks.

"But you look so _beautiful_, Kazemaru-kun."

"Yes. Absolutely stunning."

Kazemaru pouted. "Sometimes the two of you remind me of Fred and George from that Hairy Potter show." Reaching for the hair-dryer by the sink, he told the duo to proceed downstairs to wait for him. "I'll be ready in five minutes."

And true to his word, Kazemaru showed up at the lounge five minutes later, in his new tailored uniform and new look. Gouenji and Endou oogled at him again. Kazemaru sighed. Then, Rengette popped outta nowhere suddenly.

"OI! Stop tormenting the poor dude. Go practice, yeah." She snarled. Gouenji, Endou and Kazemaru took off in a hurry to the training field.

Rengette flopped onto the couch and reached for the television remote. "Good, they're finally gone. Now I'll be able to watch my episodes of Kuroshitsuji and Gravitation in peace. Oh- and read my doujinshis."

Anf yet another five minutes later, the four otakus were seated on the couch, all holding tissues to their bloody noses while they watched gay porn on the screen. Or, to put it more subtly, yaoi.

* * *

The afternoon flew past quickly, with nothing worth mentioning.

Unless you count the part where Edgar and his team came over with the 'grim face', demanding a match with them, and the part where Rengette took out her magnum and shot at their feet, and the full out brawl that followed afterwards.

Knights of Queen slumped back to their inn, clutching their backsides, failing to ease the burning pains they received from Kiyo's flamethrower.

Oh, and also the part where Endou and Kazemaru accidently tripped onto one another when they stepped in the Jell-O Kogure threw on the floor. Endou landed on top of Kazemaru, his body hovering inches above the tealnets.

Scher took a picture of that, and sold it on eBay for ten thousand yen.

Hm, and you could count the part when Kazemaru was licking a lollipop given to him by a devious looking Miharu. All the boys pronounced 'gay' yesterday had their eyes firmly fixed on the erotic sight, Kazemaru's legs slightly apart, sweat running down his brow and tongue moving swiftly up and down the sweet treat.

Yes, the otakus did too, but they didn't drool... unlike someone they could mention.

"And that concludes the diary of this afternoon." Rengette finished discussing with her fellow otakus. They went down into the cafeteria then, as it was five in the afternoon and soon they would be setting off to Allan's party.

They each dressed in a tuxedo, like when they left for the Knights of Queen's dinner party. Only this time, the bow-ties they wore weren't so retarded. They wore ties, like the men in black.

"You look like an uke, Kazemaru!" Scher said, snapping yet another picture of Kazemaru that day. Megane was an otaku - although he targeted Yuri and Hentai - and blushed at what Scher had said. Miharu nudged her to stop.

"Okay. I hope you guys are ready for this. If you mess up... well... I'll think of a punishment later. Do _not_ let Kazemaru get raped, got it?" Rengette said, waggling her finger in Endou's face.

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Kaito-san would so kill you if anything happened to Kazemaru..." Kiyo said in a low voice. "Pfft. It's all about his precious otouto, now is it?" Rengette snorted.

Yes, it was.

* * *

The bus was here.

Instead of the Inazuma Caravan, it was a sleek, black polished mobile van... the kind that movie stars used when they changed the set locations. There was a plasma television inside, along with a mini-bar.

"This is so cool!" Kabeyama said, after squeezing in next to a suffocating Tobitaka. Endou laughed and started talking to Aki. Kazemaru watched them sourly, and Rengette's words came to mind.

_"We need to bring you and Endou back together... I don't know what happened in that fucking movie, but Endou is NOT going to marry Aki. YOU ARE." Rengette said, poking her finger at Kazemaru's head._

But if Endou didn't remember, what was the point? And why didn't Rengette just make Endou remember in the first place? This was really troublesome. They waved to the four agents as the mobile vehicle departed from their inn.

"Eh? What's this?" Otonashi wondered allowed as she picked up a golden envelope with a seal on it. It was addressed to 'Inazuma Japan'. "Open it, Haruna." Kidou said. Otonashi nodded and pulled out a fine piece of parchment.

**_Members of Inazuma Japan, _**

**_Salutations, and thank you very much for accepting my invite to attend my birthday party. I do hope you'll enjoy yourselves. I am especially looking forward to meeting all of you. I understand that the Knights of Queen has bothered you earlier this day, but fret not. My bodyguards will keep the area safe and secure. _**

**_Please feel free to help yourselves to the beverages in this van. _**

**_Yours sincerely,_**

**_Allan K. Brett_**

"His handwriting is really fancy, ne, Onii-chan?" Otonashi said, folding the letter and placing it back into the envelope. "Yes. He sounds quite polite, but we'll have to see that for ourselves. At the party. And how did he know about Knights of Queen's attack on us earlier?"

Someoka shrugged it off.

"Forget about it. I call dibbs on the coke!" The pinket said, and tossed a can to Fubuki, who took it graciously.

After about ten minutes into the ride, they arrived at America's area. A tall, grand looking building was littered with 'paparazzi' and security guards. The men in blue uniform dragged Inazuma Japan out of the van and into the hotel lobby - Hilton - and away from the paparazzi's cameras and questions.

A woman with dark blue hair walked up to them and introduced herself as Sneha Fujiko. She led the team to an elevator with brass holdings, and pressed to button for the top floor; level 80.

This building had already been here before the FFI had started, for trading and business purposes.

"This is one fancy looking building." Someoka said. Tsunami was playing on his DS with Endou now, both trying to kill off that bitch Sakura using Ino's character. "Yeah. Kazemaru, stop playing with your hair, you look fine." Kidou said, tugging Kazemaru's offending hands away from his teal locks.

"I can't help it. I still feel like a girl."

"Yeah, you look like one too." Tsunami said, not looking up from the screen. Kazemaru rolled his eyes.

"Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Um, no."

The elevator door opened, and Fujiko ushered them out. "You'll find the party room on your right. Allan-sama will be waiting for your arrival." She said, and stepped into the elevator once more, disappearing.

Endou rolled his eyes. "C'mon guys, let's get this done and over with."

And walking towards the set of heavy oak doors, Endou moved slightly closer to Kazemaru, his hand brushing against the tealnet's.

* * *

"Allan-sama. They're here." Fujiko's voice rang out through the intercom. Allan smirked.

"Thank you. You are allowed to resume your original duties. I will have the others do the rest." He said, brushing a strand of stray blond hair behind his ear. "Yes, sir." Fujiko said, and signed off.

Allan then dialed a number on his cellphone.

"Hello? Ah, Rengette-sama. Yes, yes, they've reached the building safely. Mhm. I see... denial, was it? Well, no worries. We'll have Kazemaru and Endou together by the end of the day."

A knock on the door came.

"Allan-sama, Inazuma Japan has arrived and is in the ballroom. Would you like to make your entrance now?" His bodyguard, Taito asked. "Yes, I'll be out there in a minute." Allan replied.

"Very well, sir."

* * *

There were many official looking people at the gathering. But still, there were a few teenagers and kids as well.

Suddenly, a flash of black and blue tore through the room and attached itself onto a woman's leg. Apparently, it was a little girl with jet black hair, silver eyes and pretty face- in a navy blue dress.

"Mama! Why are there so many fucking bitches here? I wanna go homeeee and play with the old man!"

Everyone's eyes widened at the display of colourful language comming from such a sweet-looking little girl. The girl's mother picked her up, and bounced her a little in the air. "Don't use that kind of language, Xiana! It's not polite! And you do _not_ call your grandpa an old man."

It was a woman with long silver hair and eyes. She was very pretty, though her voice was a little deep- slightly deeper than Kazemaru's. And, she was wearing a suit.

"Tch. Like you're one to talk." A man with raven hair and red eyes grunted. He was very intimidating... and was that a scar on the side of the man's face? Not that it did anything to dampen his looks. He was devilishly handsome.

"VOOOOOOOOOI! I'LL HANG YOU BY YOUR FUCKING DICK FROM ATOP THIS BUILDING, YOU BASTARD!" The woman roared, swinging a sword in the man's face. (Where did the sword come from, anyway? Only the author knows.)

The little girl known as Xiana giggled.

"Papa's right!"

The silver haired woman was held back by a blond man. "Now, now, Squalo. You don't want to set a bad example for your child, do you?" He chided. Squalo snorted. "She hasn't seen half of it, you idiot."

"Ah, those three. Always the life of the party." A voice said.

Kazemaru turned around, and came face to face with a handsome blond and blue-eyed man. He looked about twenty, although he had the aura of a teenager in prime. He blushed when the man took Kazemaru's hand in his and kissed it gently.

Oh, my Jashin.

A nerve popped in Endou's forehead while Kazemaru turned the colour of Hiroto's hair.

"Hello. I'm Allan Brett. I've been just _dying_ to meet you." He said, giving Kazemaru a lustful glance. For shame. Some people had no decency nowadays. "Um... Hi... My name's K-Kazemaru Ichirouta." The tealnet surprised and chided himself for being so timid.

He sounded like that freaking 'Hinata' girl from Naruto. Ew.

"I know perfectly well who you are, cutie. C'mon, I'll introduce you to a few of my friends." Allan said, grabbing Kazemaru's hand and the other hand, however... guided Kazemaru's waist. Endou felt like kicking Allan in the groin.

"I... can walk by myself you know." Kazemaru said, raising an eyebrow when he felt Allan's hand sink lower down his waist, nearing his butt. "And- cut that out." Kazemaru coughed and grabbed Allan by the wrist, leading the offending hand away from its desired location.

"Hm... fiesty, aren't we?" Allan said, his lips ghosting over Kazemaru's ear. "_Don't worry... you'll be begging for more very, very soon, babe._"

Kazemaru gulped.

* * *

**FINALLY, CHAPTER 2 IS OUT! =3 I had trouble deciding Allan's character. Pervert suits him, ne? **

**Anyway, more coming up soon~ **


End file.
